This is How You Remind Me
by TheHouseWitch
Summary: House and Cuddy try to deal with their break-up with the consequences that follow. A confrontation scene post break-up. Rated M for sexual contents.


**This is how you remind me**

**Disclaimer:** Everything belongs to its respectable owners. I'm merely borrowing.

**Author's note:** This story suddenly popped into my mind and I knew that I had to put it on paper. It seems that I have made it a habit to write some alternate endings to the House/Cuddy relationship, but this is something that wrote itself mostly down by itself. It's funny how that happens.

Now I have never published a story that contains smut, and frankly there are people that are so much better at it than I am. Also I think that many other things are more important in storytelling than sex, but I think it serves a purpose to this story.

I still have a new multi-chapter story in works. I will update the first chapter in the beginning of June so look out for that if you like my work.

Thanks so much for reading.

* * *

He sat by his baby grand piano, his fingers moved swiftly over the keys forming the wonderful melody of Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata. He stopped for a second and took a swig from the crystal glass, then placed it back on the smooth black surface of the instrument. He sighed and very smoothly he switched from Beethoven to another piece, a piece that was so very close to his heart. He had composed it just for her.

His fists slammed down on the keys, the screechy tones echoing the deep sorrow within his heart. In a moment of anger he threw the glass on the floor, the piercing breaking sound of the glass was satisfying for merely few seconds, then the sheer joy of his outburst waned and the searing pain in his heart hit him again full force. With a shaky hand he dove into the pocket of his pants and fished out a pillbox, he shook a couple of pills out and dry swallowed them quickly. He closed his eyes and slowly he felt the influence of the chemicals in his bloodstream take affect.

A small knock on the door made his eyes snap open. He looked at the closed door, then he shook his head and decided that he wasn't home. He really didn't want to talk to anyone right now. He wanted to drown his sorrows in alcohol and drugs, and the few people that actually visited him were not particularly welcome to his moment of breakdown.

Another knock came from the door, this time it was louder and more urgent than before. He ignored it again and sat still, waiting for the intruder to go away.

After a couple of minutes he heard the knock again, but this time a voice followed.

"House. I know you're there. Open the door."

Her voice was urgent, and apprehensive, and he didn't care. Or so he told himself. He couldn't quite ignore the thumping of his heart when he heard her voice nor the numbing ache within him. They had barely spoken together, and he wanted to keep it that way.

Another knock came, then a simple. "House."

His heart screamed at him to open the door, but his brain screamed at him to ignore her. She had broken his heart. It was just like she had cut his thumping heart out of his chest, chewed on it for eleven months then thrown it on the sidewalk like a piece of bad meat. And what did she want now? Did she want to stitch it back inside, dead and cold, and pretend like everything was okay?

Just like donor hearts they never completely operated within a new body and he felt like his didn't completely co-operate within him.

"House. Please, I need to talk to you."

He looked at the door and felt the urge to open the door, his broken heart betraying him.

"Don't do it." He whispered to himself.

"House."

He stood up off the piano bench and limped painfully towards the door. He unchained the lock from the door and opened it slowly.

She looked surprised at him; she straightened up and looked at him intently.

"Hi." She said.

"What do you want?"

"I…I came to give you back your things." She pointed down at the brown cardboard box by her feet. He could recognize his old toothbrush, a couple of cd's, shirts, shoes, tennis balls, medical books, and several other items that belonged to him. The funny thing was that he didn't even remember bringing those things to her place and he hadn't missed them at all.

He picked up the box from the floor and dropped it on the nearest chair. He could feel her eyes bore into the back of his neck. He turned around and watched her small form lean against the doorframe.

"Thanks." He said simply. She nodded her head; her eyes gazed over the apartment then drifted to the broken glass on the floor. The golden liquid had seeped into the carpet, and the scattered glass glinted dangerously in the light.

Her eyes widened, and they drifted quickly to him.

"Are you okay?" She asked quietly.

"No." His simple answer spoke volumes. She bit her lip and looked at him.

"Can I come in?"

"No."

She sighed exasperatedly, and watched him intently, her irritation evident.

"Why can't we just talk like civilized people? Why does it always have to be games and puzzles with you?"

He leaned his hand against the door, and gestured with his other down the hallway.

"Then let me make it simple for you. I don't want you here, now go away."

His outburst made her jump up, and her hurt expression made his aching heart burn for her, but he restrained it and started to close the door, but she was quick and her small hand rushed up and pushed the door against his hand to stop him from closing it in her face. He could have easily shut the door, he was much stronger than her, and her feeble attempts in stopping him didn't stand a chance against him, but he didn't do it. Instead he sighed and gestured her to come in. She looked at him with her big blue eyes before she stepped in. She was still in her work clothes; a tight purple blouse, and a black skirt, accompanied with killer 5-inch fuck-me-heels.

His physical attraction towards her had been constant for all the years they had worked together, and it was not about to cease, he would always feel attracted to her. He sat down on the couch and looked at her move swiftly to the chair opposite him.

They sat silent for several minutes, neither daring to say anything, then she sighed and crossed her knees, and clasped her hands together.

"House, we need to talk." Her tone was strictly business-like, her voice firm and aloof. He observed her closely, trying to find a crack in her perfectly masked façade. He leaned in the soft leather of the couch.

"What is there to talk about? We broke up, end of story."

"House." She said wearily. "We have to talk about this."

"Really? You want me to talk to you about our break up? And what does that change? We fight, we talk, we cry, then it's the impending break up sex that follows the built up malicious, undeniable sexual feelings we have towards each other. Then you'll leave and everything will be fine, because every feeling we have ever felt for each other has changed in this mind-blowing sex, and we'll depart ways like best of friends. Is that what you're waiting for?"

"I want you to communicate with me. We can't work together with this dark cloud hanging over us. We need to solve our conflicts, and that does not include break up sex." She said evenly.

"Then I'm sorry to inform you that I don't have anything to say to you." He said stubbornly and folded his arms over his chest.

"Come on House. I know that you're angry with me. You have barely even looked at me. How can we work together like that?"

"So everything is about work? You don't care about anything except for your perfectly sculpted image."

"Don't say that. I don't want this to ruin our relationship."

He laughed chillingly at her words.

"Relationship, what relationship? You broke up the only relationship we have. You can't possibly think that we can be friends after this, can you?"

She looked down, a small, thin crack formed on her mask, and showed the trace of pain he felt at the moment.

"I will always care for you House, and I want you in my life."

House couldn't believe his ears; he stood up from the couch and approached her angrily.

"Cuddy, what part of 'we broke up', don't you understand? You can't just pretend that nothing happened the last eleven months, or are you so fucking stupid that you don't understand that life isn't like that. You don't just dump someone and expect that everything will be roses."

"I'm not." She cried out.

"Then what do you want? I can't pretend that I'm not hurt, and you can't pretend that you aren't either."

She buried her head in her hands and sighed.

"I just…." She muttered into her hands but stopped, completely at loss for words.

"You just what?" He asked frustratingly. She raised her head up.

"I don't know!" She cried out.

"Then I can't help you. You know where the door is." He said and limped away.

"Wait!" She cried out after him. He stopped and turned around wearily.

She looked at him a mixture of confusion, guilt and pain on her face.

She blinked and a small tear escaped her eyes, it was the first real emotion he had seen on her since they broke up.

"I need you." She whispered.

"You should have thought about that before you broke up with me." He said coldly.

She nodded her head and looked down, her dark locks falling like a veil over her face. He walked closer to her.

"What did you _really _come here for?"

She didn't say anything and kept her face turned downwards. He crouched painfully down on the floor and touched her cheek with light fingers, and slowly he forced her to look at him. Her blue eyes shone with tears. She swallowed and looked at him with painful eyes.

"I don't know how not to love you." She finally whispered. "No matter how hard I try to get rid of those feelings I can't stop, and I…I don't know what to do, or what to feel." She sniffled.

"One minute I feel angry, the next I feel guilty, and I hate it. I hate you for not being there for me, and I hate you for the stupid drugs…" Her pain was so touchable and he wanted to kiss her and erase the pain away from her face, but mostly he wanted to ease his own heart.

"But I love you for so many things. I love that you gave yourself to me. I love you, and that love is tearing me apart. When I'm with you I feel whole but then everything you have done comes back and I can't…" She stopped and shook her head. He still hadn't let go of her face, his eyes soaking in her features. He tightened his grip a little but not so it would hurt. Slowly he said what had been lying on his heart.

"I told you that I couldn't change. I told you that one day you would wake up and remember all the horrible things I've done to you, yet still you wanted to be with me. You knew what you were getting into." His voice heightened with each word, and she became more fearful with each sentence.

"I gave you everything I have. I chose you, and I was a fool to see that you would never choose me. You pretend that you're better than anyone else when in truth you aren't."

She closed her eyes, the trail of tears traced down her cheeks, but he ignored it and continued.

"You manipulate everyone around you and bend them to your will, and when you don't get everything you want you stamp your feet on their hearts. I know that I'm a drug addict, and a pain in the ass, but you knew it. You _knew_ it!"

A small sob escaped her lips and she opened her eyes to meet his. His hand shook and he lowered it down.

"I know that I hurt you." Her voice was calm considering her state of emotion. "But you aren't innocent either. I thought that you could be there for me, and when it came to it you turned to drugs, because it's the only way for you to handle pain."

"I thought you were dying. How did you think I was going to react?" He bellowed.

"I believed that you would be there for me. Even though everyone doubted it. I believed in my heart that you loved me enough to be there for me."

"I was there for you."

"You were stoned."

"But I was there! One pill. I took one pill because I was scared shitless that my girlfriend was probably dying."

"And what if I would have been dying? Would you have handled that any better? You would just have fallen into the same pattern all over again."

"But you weren't dying."

"It doesn't matter."

He huffed and crossed his arms.

"You just waited for something to go wrong. You waited for the bomb to explode to prove to yourself that you were right."

"That's not true House! I wanted this to work just as badly as you did."

"Oh really?"

"Really!"

"Bitch!"

"Bastard!"

"Whore!"

"Asshole!"

She looked at him and then with one swift movement they crashed against each other, attacking each other with feverous kisses. His tongue roamed inside her mouth battling hers with anxious, desperate movements. She clung against him, his hands moving everywhere, from her hair, down her back and on her ass. He felt her hands fumble on his shirt, trying to unbutton it as swiftly as she could. He didn't wait to unbutton hers and swiftly he tore off her silk blouse. She could barely register what happened because the next moment he picked her up, bad leg and all, and carried her into his bedroom. He threw her onto the soft mattress and followed close behind. He removed the torn garment off her shoulders and ran his hands over her flat stomach, the heat from her creamy skin radiating against his hand. He managed to remove her bra effortlessly and dug his head on her breasts, licking her nipple. She panted under him and breathed out his name. His other hand ran slowly down her thigh and finally found its way under the hem of her skirt and up her creamy thighs. She moaned loudly when his fingers touched her wet folds. He moved his fingers swiftly in and out of her, and she thrust into his hand violently, encouraging him to move faster. They were so lost in their lust that neither of them thought against it. Her head turned wildly from side to side, and he found her clit with his thumb. She cried out and shut her eyes tightly.

"House…I'm…" She muttered but instead of continuing she moaned louder.

He could feel the walls within her tighten, his lips crushed against her lips when she came, her scream muffled by his mouth. Her body shook with waves of pleasure. She finally grew limp against him, her chest heaving up and down.

"Oh my God."

She opened her eyes and quickly her hands found the buckle of his belt. Smoothly he removed his pants and boxers. Her hands touched his length, so a gasp escaped his lips. She bit her lip and moved her hand up and down slowly.

"I want you." She whispered. That was all the encouragement he needed. He spread her legs wide and shifted by her entrance. Teasingly he brushed against her opening, not quite entering her.

"Please…" She pleaded despairingly, thrusting her hips up and down.

"Please what?"

"Please…" She cried out. He sunk into her, filling her up. Her back arched up and she cried out with pleasure. Slowly he started to move, their sweaty bodies clinging together in an even rhythm. He groaned when she ground her hips and he quickened his pace. He could feel the pressure in his abdomen and knew that he was close, by the sound coming from her mouth he knew that she was close behind. His hand found her clit and she moaned louder when he rubbed it with each thrust.

"Fuck yes!" She moaned.

Their bodies were moving with desperate passion. He felt her muscles clench around him and it took all his willpower to keep thrusting. He finally cried out her name and right after her scream of ecstasy followed, her voice crying out his name.

They collapsed against each other. Reluctantly he left her tight core and lay on his back. Their breaths evened slowly. The sinking feeling of sleep hazed over him, but he didn't want to go to sleep, not when she was there.

He turned his head in her direction and met her blue eyes. She stared at him in the darkness of his bedroom; her dark hair cascaded over her shoulders, her skin pale and smooth in the darkness.

They didn't say anything but stared at each other. Slowly she moved her hand to his and grasped it with her fingers. He squeezed her hand and kept his gaze fixed on her. A small tear moved slowly down her cheek.

He didn't wipe it away, not when he wasn't sure whether he should comfort her or ignore her.

She smiled a sad smile and moved their combined hands to her mouth and kissed his knuckles, then she rested her cheek against it and gazed at him with her deep as ocean eyes. He shifted slightly and scooped closer to her, and drew her into his embrace. He closed his eyes and enjoyed the soft feeling of her skin against his, and the soft sound of her breathing.

The gaping wound within his chest closed together and he felt like he could finally breathe properly now that she was with him. His eyelids felt heavy and he was slowly sinking into the sweet embrace of sleep. But he couldn't quite fall asleep, not yet.

He waited until he was sure that she was asleep. Her breathing had slowed; her chest rose and fell with even intervals, and the soft snoring indicated that she was fast asleep.

He moved his head and watched her smooth face, and tried to memorize every crease, and every line on her face, not that he didn't know every detail already. He leaned down and brushed his lips on her cheek. He fell back against his pillow and closed his eyes, the feeling of her skin still tingling on his lips.

"I love you." She whispered softly into the night.

His eyes snapped open, he had been so sure that she was asleep, but those words warmed his heart, and he tried to ignore the warning in his mind. Instead he nuzzled closer to her, and whispered back.

"I love you too."

They closed their eyes and fell asleep in each other's embrace. Together they lay together in the bliss of sleep; their hands intertwined together, their paths forever destined to cross. Neither of them were sure what to make of their emotions, and the next day when he would wake up she would be gone, the bed cold and empty, and he would roam alone in his apartment wishing that things would be different. He would arrive at work, they would keep their distance, but eventually they would heal from their old wounds.

One day they would meet again, and decide that their lives would always twine together one way or the other, and from that day they swore to never part again.


End file.
